All that took
place in the first twenty four hours. It took me three weeks to
get back. Back here in Humboldt County, my home.
The moment of
self-realization over the martini, though clarifying, did not
change me fundamentally in any way. I was still scared shitless
of CAMP, and if
I'd had access to a time machine, I would have returned to childhood
in a
flash. Some wiseacre might say I'd never left. In some respects,
they'd be
right. So what.
A blow by blow
description of my three week cure would prove pretty dull
stuff. The highlight was the talk with Marvene that finally turned
me back
north. Marvene has a way with words that almost beats out her pecan
pie. It was
the pie that got me over to her place. The talk followed.
"Now see
here, Lawrence, I expect a good crop from you this year. Brenda
isn't
growing enough to supply my customers any more. She's been cutting
back, you
know."
I shook my head.
"No, I didn't know." Marvene looked marvelous in her zebra
stripe satin caftan. I don't think it was what could be described
as "stylish,"
anymore than the peacock feathers she had tucked in her Afro. But
on her, the
get up was great.
We were sitting
in her kitchen, polishing off what had been one of the all-time
great pecan pie and New Orleans style coffee breaks.
"Yeah,
she and Eagle are planning to retire soon, maybe next year."
She paused
to give me a lifted eyebrow. "Didn't you know, being so close
to her and all?"
"Nope,"
I answered around the last mouthful of pie. "Brenda and Eagle
do not
take me into their confidence, no matter how I pry. But I figured
something
like this was coming up. I know Eagle likes sunny beaches and palm
trees, and
Brenda likes Eagle, sooo...I can put two and two together and come
up with
three. They must be loaded by now, anyway."
Marvene nodded.
"That girl is just like your grandaddy, rest his soul. She
just
has to look at money and it grows."
"I think
the only thing I inherited from Grandad Funk was a gluttony for
your
cooking, Marvene."
"Lawrence,
you just cut that out!" Suddenly her face had turned stern.
"I am
sick and tired of you running yourself down. Didn't you get anything
from your
therapy? God knows your folks sure spent enough."
Each year, Marvene
has put on a little more weight. By now, she is what could
be called an imposing figure, and when she starts to heave that
more than
imposing bosom, she gets the undivided attention of every breast-fixated
male
within view. I pulled my eyes from the rolling expanse of zebra
stripe satin
and tried to defend what was left of my honor. "Unfair! One
little remark left
over from my callow and untherapied youth, and you assume I'm still
the same
rotten kid with a smart mouth and an endless appetite."
"Well,
you still got the mouth, and looking at that pie pan, I'd say the
appetite's still there too. So what's been added that I didn't notice?"
"A mission
in life, that's what. I now have the determination and drive to
be a
moderately successful dope grower, and to support the woman I love...if
she'll
let me.."
"I'm bowled
over," Marvene said dryly. "By the sheer scope of your
dreams. And
if that's the case, what in hell are you doing in San Diego at harvest
time?"
"I'm going
back," I blurted. "Tomorrow."
"That is
more like it," She said picking up the empty plates. "I
was afraid
maybe your Daddy had taken advantage of you in your vulnerable state,
and so
maybe you were going to hang around and be Daddy's little boy...his
pride and
joy..."
"Marvene,
what are you talking about? Me, Daddy's little boy? You have me
confused with David. This is Larry, the Funk failure, remember?"
Waving a hand
at me, she cut me off. "You just shut up now. You got it
wrong...with a little right mixed in. Your father, although a well-meaning
and
not unintelligent dude, is not much for introspection. He never
sat down and
figured out that he wanted you to always be dependent on him. He
never
consciously plotted to keep you forever a boy, needing him in a
way David never
would. Sure he can be business partners with David, even partners
in crime. But
with you, he could always be Big Daddy. Brenda escaped and we know
David was
never a candidate. So that left you, Lawrence, to be the comfort
of his old
age."
I stared at
the water dripping in the sink. I felt weird. I had had too many
"insights" thrown at me this trip. I gulped in a deep
breath. Marvene was
fanning herself with one of the peacock feathers from her hair and
was watching
me closely.
"You know,
you sound like my old therapist. I'd forgotten how much Dr. Chips
used to harp on my part in the family psycho-drama."
"You probably
weren't ready to take it all in then. But I figured I'd take a
chance you were ready to listen, what with you going north tomorrow
and all."
I grinned, embarassed.
"That was a lie, about going north. At least it was a
lie until you laid all this shit out for me. Phew!"
She smiled.
So in the space
of three weeks, I had two great revelations. I was a lot like
my father and Marvene was right...he wanted me to stay home and
be his kid
forever. What she hadn't added was that I had cooperated all the
way in his
attempt to keep me his little boy. Until I moved to Humboldt.
I stuck to my
word and left San Diego the next morning. I cried a little when
I
kissed Dad goodbye. Maybe there were tears in his eyes too. I tried
not to
notice.
